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A phi adobe, back photoshop 7. So two unknowns, here problems crue. In fest hollywood premier league wiki cadeiras de aluminio para varanda j-stalin memoirs of a curb server. But his favorite vision of God comes at Christmas--a little infant in a manger, surrounded by adoring people and animals. Above all, Ives sees God as a force of love. I think that's the reason I'm drawn to Mr. Ives' Christmas. The different versions of God. Through the centuries, Christians have depicted God in many ways.
The European version was closely related to the ancient Greek depictions of Zeus--bearded and bare-chested, stretching His arm out across the heavens. Of course, the Europeans also painted Christ as sandy-haired and blue-eyed and white-skinned.
I'm not sure I have a clear notion of what God looks like. I'm not against a God that's feminine. After all, God is the Creator of all things. The only reason we say "Our Father, who art in heaven" instead of "Our Mother, who art in heaven" is because ancient Israel was a patriarchal society. Men ruled and women served, for the most part. Currently, I have a more inclusive vision of God in my mind, a Being Who is both female and male.
That means that Adam and Eve were both reflections of God's image. Don't misunderstand me. I don't think God has breasts and a penis. I mean that God is an Entity of both male and female spirit. I know this is pretty deep stuff for a Friday night. I'm sorry. I've been thinking about God a lot this week. My sister, the one who's been so ill, is back in the hospital in ICU. This time a neurologist has been consulted, and she determined that my sister has swelling in both ventricles of her brain.
That would account for my sister's rapidly changing mental status and her inability to focus or keep her eyes still. Today, my sister had an MRI, and tomorrow she will undergo a lumbar puncture. The neurologist wants to determine the source of the brain infection. So, I've been talking to God a great deal these last few days. God the Father.
God the Mother. God the Son. God the Spirit. Once upon a time there was a friar named Humboldt. Humboldt lived a simple life in a monastery, getting up to pray before sunrise, eating oatmeal for breakfast, praying all morning, eating oatmeal for lunch, praying all afternoon, eating oatmeal for dinner, and then praying all evening until he went to bed.
Humboldt had taken a vow of silence. He hadn't spoken in almost 60 years. One night, Humboldt fell very ill and took to his bed. The other friars of the monastery nursed him, tried to make him eat oatmeal and drink cold water. However, after a few days, it was obvious that Humboldt was dying. The head of the monastery came to Humboldt's bedside and said, "Friar Humboldt, you have been a good and faithful servant of God all your life.
Please, before you go to heaven, impart on me the wisdom you have gained from all your years of silent devotion. With much effort, he took a deep breath and spoke his first words in 60 years: "Oatmeal is lumpy. And Saint Marty lived happily ever after. How handsome they looked in the autumn sunlight, approaching a strange city!
People thronged the streets or called from the high windows. Old women sat among flowerpots. But when you looked about for another horse or another rider, you looked in vain. My friend, said the animal, why not abandon me? Alone, you can find your way here. But to abandon you, said the other, would be to leave a part of myself behind, and how can I do that when I do not know which part you are?
At first, the job in itself, as an illustrator, was not so hard as tedious, his hours spent with some rather dull assignments. Ives finally takes a full-time job with the Mannis Advertising Agency when he's a young husband and father.
He realizes he has to give up his artistic ambitions to be a struggling painter for more pragmatic ambitions: a steady income and health insurance. It's a choice many artistic people are forced to make. Not everybody wants to Uncle Walts Bones In The Crawdad Hole - Snaggletooth (4) - Snaggletooth (CD the life of William Faulkner or Vincent van Gogh.
Many years ago, I realized that I needed to alter my expectations. I had a pregnant wife and was a part-time book store clerk and adjunct English instructor. Everything about my life was unstable, transient. I needed to provide for my family. Do I sometimes play the game of "what if"? Of course. I sometimes feel like an absolute failure in the game of life. Tonight, my book club met. John is a fantastic writer and one of the most humble, articulate writers I know. Every time I talk to him, invite him to my house, he reminds me why I write.
John quite matter-of-factly says that writing has saved his life, kept him sane through a lot of difficult times. Writing helps him understand the world. I don't have much to add to his answer. I write because not to write would be something akin to death. I think any writer would agree with John, including Louise Gluck.
And Saint Marty. The Couple in the Park by: Louise Gluck A man walks alone in the park and beside him a woman walks, also alone. How does one know? It is as though a line exists between them, like a line on a playing field.
And yet, in a photograph they might appear a married couple, weary of each other and of the many winters they have endured together. At another time, they might be strangers about to meet by accident.
She drops her book; stooping to pick it up, she touches, by accident, his hand and her heart springs open like a child's music box. And out of the box comes a little ballerina made of wood. I have created this, the man thinks; though she can only whirl in place, still she is a dancer of some kind, not simply a block of wood. This must explain the puzzling music coming from the trees. It had been a lovely trip, London everything they had wanted and imagined--for Annie, reading selections from several Dickens novels at the time, it was an enchantment; they took strolls through the Queen's gardens, fed the swans in Regents Park; tried to envision the shantytowns that Dickens had once written about, along the Thames, the city's architecture sometimes suspending their notion of modern time.
In fact, out of their usual context for a glorious period of several weeks, the veil of grief had somehow lifted from their hearts, Ives regaining a sense of childhood wonderment about many things. Walking about the city with a black-bound sketchbook, Ives drew madly, as he once had as a kid.
Ives' trip to Great Britain does something to him. As a kid, he used to sit for hours with his sketchbook, drawing cartoons, people, buildings. He was obsessed with art. Everything he saw inspired him.
He sent samples of his work to Walt Disney, and Disney himself wrote back, encouraging him to continue drawing. That's what Ives recaptures in London. The love of life. I used to have the same kind of youthful passion that Ives rediscovers in London. Everything made me want to write. I'd read a Stephen King novel, and it made me want to write about vampires in a sleepy Upper Peninsula town.
I'd go swimming, and it made me want to write about the moon climbing over Lake Superior. I saw the original Star Wars before the episodes and director's cutsand I wanted to be Isaac Asimov.
I had that much enthusiasm and drive. I still write every day. During the course of my 14 or 15 waking hours, I still sometimes find inspiration. Not as often as when I was a kid, though.
Life gets in the way. Sick kids. Broken windows. Car troubles. These things tend to stifle my passion. Right now, I'm sitting in my office at the university.
I rode with my sister to work, and I have a couple hours before I have to punch the time clock. So, I'm typing my blog post.
I did the same thing last Wednesday. I find my mind much clearer at this time of the day. The worries of job and home intrude less on my thoughts. In the space of a half hour or 45 minutes, I'm done, and I've written something that I'm not ashamed to publish. It makes me wish I had a life that allowed me to follow this writing practice every day.
I would be able to produce so much more work. However, rising at four every morning, writing for three hours, and then driving to the medical office to work for eight hours is not a schedule I could maintain forever.
Falling asleep on the couch. I don't even know how I'm going to answer phones and deal with patients for the next nine hours. I'm not complaining. I'm just wishing I could somehow reclaim some of my youthful enthusiasm for writing. I feel a little too old and too tired at the moment. Maybe Saint Marty needs to take a trip to London. It worked for Ives.
The Open Window by: Louise Gluck An elderly writer had formed the habit of writing the words THE END on a piece of paper before he began his stories, after which he would gather a stack of pages, typically thin in winter when the daylight was brief, and comparatively dense in summer when his thought became again loose and associative, expansive like the thought of a young man.
Regardless of their number, he would place these blank pages over the last, thus obscuring it. Only then would the story come to him, chaste and refined in winter, more free in summer. By these means, he had become an acknowledged master. He worked by preference in a room without clocks, trusting the light to tell him when the day was finished. In summer, he liked the window open. How then, in summer, did the winter wind enter the room? You are right, he cried out to the wind, this is what I have lacked, this decisiveness and abruptness, this surprise--O, if I could do this I would be a god!
And he lay on the cold floor of the study watching the wind stirring the pages, mixing the written and unwritten, the end among them. In the way that the inn, set up on a slight incline, was surrounded by woods, so were Mrs. Parsons' guests, gathered in the sitting room, surrounded by a fine and very old library of books. Because there was not much else to do in the evenings, except to sip brandies and watch the fire, Mrs.
Parsons, in the tradition in which she had been raised, would hobble over to a stately chair and, in a voice that was remarkably strong and in a manner that was theatrical, read aloud selections from certain volumes. Ives and Annie take a trip to the British Isles in their old age.
They stay at an inn near Sherwood Forest. It is a time of healing for them. Ives and Annie rediscover their passions, for art, literature, and each other. One of the great pleasures of their sojourn is the innkeeper reading to them from Charles Dickens' novels. I love hearing people read aloud to me. I also love reading aloud. I think that's why I became a poet.
Novel reading is a solitary endeavor for the most part. One person sitting in a comfortable chair, building a relationship with the author, page-by-page. Poetry, on the other hand, is more immediate, sort of begs for something more communal. I've been getting rides to work from a friend every day since my car's been out of commission. This afternoon, on the way home, I opened up a collection of poems by Billy Collins and started reading to her.
It was a great ride home. She was laughing. I was laughing. When we got to my driveway, we sat there while I finished reading Collins' poem about"The Names. My friend looked at me and said, "Isn't that a great thing?
That a person can use words and create something that moves you so much. Where had they all gone, these people who had seemed so real? To distract myself, I walked out into the night; instinctively, I lit a cigarette. In the dark, the cigarette glowed, like a fire lit by a survivor. But who would see this light, this small dot among the infinite stars? I stood awhile in the dark, the cigarette glowing and growing small, each breath patiently destroying me. How small it was, how brief.
Brief, brief, but inside me now, which the stars could never be. I have been thinking a lot about posterity--what I'm going to be remembered for when I shuffle off this mortal. Well, you get the idea. Ever since I was a kid, I've dreamed of being a famous author. Salinger, Harper Lee. I wanted King's fame and Salinger's mystique. I wanted Vonnegut's reputation and Lee's good fortune a Pulitzer Prize for my first book.
I've never really lost this streak of literary hero worship. Preferably all three at once. Of course, I've had to adjust my ambitions. I can no longer be the youngest author to ever win the Nobel Prize in Literature the title still belongs to Rudyard Kipling, who won at the age of A little concession.
Yet, I still sit down almost every day to write. Some nights, it's just a blog post. Other nights, I take out my journal and scribble in it for a while after I'm done posting.
It's a matter of holding onto a dream. Dreams provide hopes for something better. So tonight my Ives dip question is this: Will my dreams of becoming a famous author ever come true? Her "goodness" was something of a curse. As a person of principle, who had put many years into her efforts, she could not turn her back on anything.
And yet, at the same time, she had become caustic in her approach to teaching--it took her a long time but the old indifference of the system had caught up to her. Okay, Annie Ives eventually loses her youthful enthusiasm. She no longer dreams of changing the world one student at a time. I'm not quite there yet. I still think there's hope for me. Poem by poem. I have chosen Louis Gluck as the Poet of the Week.
She knows a little bit about making a name for herself. Saint Marty still has a few years to beat Gluck to the Pulitzer.
Forbidden Music by: Louise Gluck After the orchestra had been playing for some time, and had passed the andante, the scherzo, the poco adagio, and the first flautist had put his head on the stand because he would not be needed until tomorrow, there came a passage that was called the forbidden music because it could not, the composer specified, be played. And still it must exist and be passed over, an interval at the discretion of the conductor. But tonight, the conductor decides, it must be played--he has a hunger to make his name.
The flautist wakes with a start. Something has happened to his ears, something he has never felt before. His sleep is over. Where am I now, he thinks. And then he repeated it, like an old man lying on the floor instead of in his bed.
Where am I now? It is the longest day of the year in my part of the world. Summer solstice. That means that, after today, the planet starts tilting toward winter, and we start losing daylight. Pretty soon, the leaves are going to turn shades of mustard and cherry. And then, one morning, frost on the pumpkins. Shortly after that, white. For months and months. Sorry, I had to go there. It's the poet in me. It is also Father's Day. For my international readers, today in the United States we honor the patriarchs in our lives.
That means lots of barbecuing. Hot dogs and bratwursts and hamburgers. Potato salads. And lots of bad ties and Old Spice given as presents. For me, it's a day where I sit around and try to do absolutely nothing. After I'm done with this post, I'm going to sit in a corner and read a book.
That's Father's Day. Today's episode for Classic Saint Marty first aired three years ago, on a summer solstice when my life was in a state of chaos.
Not like today, when everything is absolutely perfect. I'm weary after this week of upheaval. Ready for bed. Yet, my mind doesn't want to rest. It keeps going when my eyes close at night. I've been waking up every morning more tired, as if I've spent the night running with a herd of elk through the Rockies. Gives me peace. That's why I want to give it to you tonight. To give you peace.
Saint Marty wishes you a quiet, restful first night of summer. Sudden Calm at Maywood Shores For seven days the wind has plowed the waves in restless rows across the moving field of Little Bay de Noc. While maples yield their yellow leaves, my boundary oak still saves its multitude of warriors' leathery hands until they twist and threaten in the wracking air that blows the lake to earth, attacking grass with wars of acorns across the lands I live to watch.
These days of agitation shake the universe beneath my hill and make me fear this landscape never will be calm again. And yet--my habitation feels just now a blanketing of grace uncanny in its fall from no known place. Confessions of Saint Marty. I'll pay for it, and then you tell me who'll pay the bills a year from now if something should happen to me.
He's retired, and his wife wants to travel. She brings home pamphlets about cheap airfare to the British Isles and Italy. She Uncle Walts Bones In The Crawdad Hole - Snaggletooth (4) - Snaggletooth (CD wants to rekindle her love for Ives, but he is stuck, unable to move from a place of grief years after their son has been dead.
Ives and Annie are not living paycheck-to-paycheck. They are not wealthy, but they have a comfortable life. They don't have to worry about money. I sort of envy them. I can't remember a time in my life when money wasn't a concern for me. Maybe when I was in college, living at home, and had overage checks from my college scholarships.
That's about the only time. On Thursday, I just signed the papers for a loan to get the roof of my house replaced. My next paycheck is dedicated to getting my car fixed.
Most of the time, my paychecks are spent on the day that I receive them. And the bills still pile up. I know I'm not unusual. Most families are in this situation. I do have great fear of what would happen if I suddenly couldn't work for whatever reason just like Ives. It would only take a few weeks for the walls of my life to come tumbling down, so to speak.
That's always in the back of my mind. I try not to dwell on it too much. I worry too much about the future. I know that. I worry not about things that are happening, but things that might happen. It's not a really healthy way to exist. It's sort of like standing on a street corner, afraid to cross the street because a car might come screaming through the intersection and kill me.
Living like that precludes any enjoyment at all. Yes, I have to account for every dime. Yes, I bring home left-overs from drug rep lunches at work. Lo mein and lasagna. Yes, I only go to movies once or twice a year now.
It used to be once or twice a month. Yes, I have house payments and car payments and loan payments coming out of my ass. Yes, yes, yes. But I still have to carve out enjoyment. I'm planning on going to go for a walk today. I may take a book with me, find some place to sit and read. For Father's Day tomorrow, I may read all day long. It's cheap and relaxing. Lawrence Welk and walks. Saint Marty is livin' large. Push the lesson inside the microwave. Watch it plump and pop and grow larval with losses.
Watch it shrink like shrikes when they dodge out of this palatial doom. On the sky's torn hemline, this horizon, make a wish on Buddha's foot. How to halve, but not to have--how to spare someone of suffering, how to throw away the spare key saved for a lover that you don't have, save yourself from the burning turret with the wind of your own smitten hip. Do you remember how girlhood was--a bore born inside you, powerless? How you made yourself winner by capturing grasshoppers and skewering them?
You washed a family of newts in the dry husked summer, wetted them with cotton swabs before the vivisection. That's playing God: to spare or not to spare. In the end you chose mercy, and dropped each live body into the slime-dark moat.
Today is a study in being a loser. The boyfriend you carved out of lard and left in the refrigerator overnight between the milk and chicken breasts. Butcher a bed, sleep in its wet suet for a night. Joke with a strumpet, save the watermelon rinds for the maids to fry in their hot saucepans.
Open your blouse and find the ladybugs sleeping in your navel. Open your novel to the chapter where the floe cracks and kills the cygnet. Study hard, refute your slayer. Kennedy was assassinated, had asked him, "Did God will that? In the face of great tragedy, every person of faith eventually runs into crises. Loved ones who become ill. Job loss. School shooting. Church shootings. Health scares. And the inevitable question that arises is, "Did God will that?
Six years old, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body. When he goes out on the playground, he thinks everybody is his friend. When they turn out to be less than friends, he lacks the skills to deal with the rejection. For example, there is a group of older neighborhood kids who take pleasure in getting him angry. They taunt him, call him names, throw things at him until he reacts. I don't know where children learn to be mean to other children. I have never taught my son to judge other people.
His aunt has Down Syndrome. He's had friends who were deaf and blind. He loves everybody. So where do other kids learn to hate? It has to come from somewhere. I want to believe that people, at the core, are good, but, when my son comes to me and says that kids are throwing rocks at him, I tend to have a spiritual crisis. I want to march over to the kids' houses, pound on their doors, and yell at the first adult who answers, "What the hell are you teaching your children?
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